While I was pregnant, I obsessed over reading birth stories online. I wanted to know about every possible scenario and outcome. So, in case someone else is in my shoes and stumbles across this post - here's my story. Another forewarning, this is gonna be a LONG post.
I was induced at 39 weeks, 5 days due to gestational diabetes, although I was diet controlled and had no other complications it was a choice they gave me, and at that point I'd do anything to get that baby out. To say I was uncomfortable at that stage in my pregnancy was an understatement! So Monday night, June 19th, Devon and I loaded up and went to the hospital. We got a call that night that told us they had a bed ready for me and to come on in around 10:30.
I arrived and checked in. My nurse and her trainee got me all hooked up to the (what felt like) dozens of wires. One strap on my belly for the contractions and one for the fetal heart rate, the oxygen meter on my finger, the automated blood pressure cuff on my arm and finally the IV in my other hand. I can honestly say this was probably the worst part of my labor - not being able to move freely. I feel like I could have labored through the pain a little better and longer if I was able to pace, sit upright in a chair etc.
It was about 12:00 AM when we were ready to start the first phase of the induction, cytotec. A small pill placed by the cervix to soften and help begin dilation. During the 4 hour dose time, they wanted me to get some sleep. There was no way, connected to all those wires and starting to cramp from the cytotec. I watched Forensic Files on TV and listened to my husband snore on the couch...
I was 2 CM and 50% effaced when I arrived at the hospital. At 4:30 PM when they checked me, I was barely a 3 and 80%. My nurse gave me the choice to do another round of cytotec or start pitocin. I decided on the pitocin to get the show on the road.
Within minutes of starting the pitocin drip I felt my cramps intensify. I kept starring at the screen that showed the baby's heart rate and my contractions. My monitor was not picking up my contractions at all, this was really discouraging - I felt like although I was in pain I wasn't progressing because I couldn't SEE the contractions. I felt like the nurses wouldn't believe how much pain I really was in either.
I labored from 4:30 AM until 7 AM. They kept increasing my pitocin drip and I reached the point where I wanted to cry every time they came in to hit the increase button. The pain of the contractions was all encompassing, body and mind. My entire torso cramped and tightened with each wave of pain. Looking back, I don't think I can accurately describe how the contractions felt, other than... It hurt. Bad. I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance but this pain rocked me to my core. Mostly because there was hardly a break in between. The pitocin made the contractions come on top of each other, only 2-3 minutes between each one.
I remember sincerely thinking, "I can not do this. I can not possibly imagine continuing and giving birth like this." I even said a couple times "I don't want to do this any more. We're never having another kid" haha! My husband won't let me forget those words (I'm already talking about baby Crumble #2, not any time soon, but sometime...)
7 AM came and it was time for the nurse's shift change. The trainee that came in just prior to help me unplug to go to the bathroom (again, these wires and monitors were the worst) told my nurse that I was in so much pain I couldn't sit back. This was true, I felt I could work through my contractions if I could move, so I sat perched on the edge of my bed swiping my foot on the floor over and over. By this point I had also thrown up twice from the pain. I've only ever been nauseated from pain once in my life. So I knew this was the real deal.
The nurse came in and told me who would be taking over and she recommended I go ahead and get the epidural.
I was afraid to get the epidural because I had no idea if I had made any progress, I went into this induction with the plan that I'd get an epidural between 4-6 centimeters. They hadn't checked me since 4:30 AM, and I had heard that if you got the epidural too soon it could stall labor. My nurse was great, she soothed my fears and explained that, that is not always true. Some times the pain relief is what your body needs to relax and allow itself to progress. My mom had told me this in a conversation prior to labor, so I agreed.
They wanted to get an entire bag of fluids in me before the epidural, so my new nurse hooked me up and ordered the epidural. She kept telling me that I would not be completely numb, and that I would still feel pain and pressure this would just take the edge off. (I later found out, she was required to tell me this - because everyone reacts differently to the epidural)
After what felt like an eternity, it was around 9:30 AM, my nurse along with possibly the nicest man on the face of the planet arrived. The anesthetist! He truly was such a nice man, I'm not just saying that because he provided the pain relief. Haha!
So the epidural was another part that I had kinda freaked myself out about reading stories online. I've heard the horror stories and some say it was the worst part of their labor. Honestly, I was more afraid of the epidural not taking than I was of actually getting it.
So I'm told to sit as still as possible (you try doing that in active labor, lol) and the only thing I felt was the tiniest pinch, barely noticeable from the numbing shot. Then all I felt was his hands pressing on my spine and finding the right area to work. My anesthetist walked me through absolutely everything he was doing, he kept telling me there would be no surprises. This was such a comfort, you could tell he knew what he was doing. My first try at the epi didn't work when he did the 'test dose' so he needed to re-position and try again. Again, no pain from this procedure at all, it was only difficult to sit still through the contractions but the anesthetist was fantastic at trying to work as quickly as possible between them. This next shot was a winner! By the time they laid me back I could feel it working already. I felt maybe two more contractions (at a much more bearable pain level) before I was completely numb from the belly button down. (Haha, so much for my nurse's warning)
Right after this, Devon left to go let our dog, Blue out - as he was home alone. My midwife arrived and and to my surprise it was my favorite midwife from the practice, Ms. Jeri! She broke my water. (Again, another aspect of induction that I was afraid of) and I didn't feel anything at all. I just felt some warmth run out after the fact, otherwise I wouldn't have known she did anything. Haha! She also checked me and I was a solid 5 CM dilated! I had never been so relieved. My worst fear was that after all this pain I hadn't progressed at all.
Devon arrived back shortly and I was on cloud 9 with this epidural. Devon noticed the difference right away, it was like night and day. I was gotten to such a negative point prior to the epidural, I had felt like there was no way I was going to be happy when the baby was born because I felt tortured. So this epidural was definitely God's gift to womankind.
The nurse came to check me again around 10:00 and I was already a 6. She told me to let her know if I felt any pressure in my bottom. I told her I actually was. It was light and coming and going. Within the next 30 minutes, that pressure intensified, it honestly felt like I had to go number 2. I kept telling her I was sorry but I thought I needed to go, but I wasn't sure, but that it was starting to hurt. She laughed and said she was fairly certain I didn't have to go potty. She told me that she would check me and if I hadn't progressed too much she would order a re-dose from the anesthetist. She checked me and gave me a cock-eyed look. I was a 9. I still remember the look of shock on her face, she hadn't expected me to progress so quickly. Her demeanor changed instantly. From this point on the pressure I was feeling just continued to intensify. I also noticed my legs were noticeably less numb. My epidural was wearing off.
Another 30 minutes later (11:00 AM), the nurse checked me and I was 'complete', 10 centimeters dilated and wriggling in discomfort from the contraction pressure. The nurse had me do a couple 'practice pushes' where she felt for the baby's head to feel if she was descending like she should when I pushed. I noticed immediately there was such sweet relief from that pressure when I pushed! It suddenly got real, that we were having a baby! And soon!
The nurse and midwife wanted me to labor a little while longer to get the baby further down so that I wouldn't have to push as long. But I couldn't stand the pressure much longer, I told the nurse I wanted to push, I didn't care how long it took.
The nurse called the midwife who was with another mom who they thought was going to deliver before me. The nurse told her I was at 10 and asked if we could start pushing. We got the all clear and the nurse sat at on the end of my bed and helped me push. Devon stood by my side supporting my head. I pushed in sets of 3 for the 10 second count, I quickly realized how HARD pushing was. I pushed for about an hour. And finally the nurse called for a tech to set our room up. Suddenly a cart full of medical instruments was wheeled in, the end of my bed disappeared and a literal tarp was laid out on the floor.
I remember feeling such a sense of comfort when my midwife came in, it was nice to see a familiar face and I knew that if she was here it wouldn't be long until this was over!
By this point, there were several women in the room, I kept my eyes closed the majority of the time as I pushed. I remember reaching the point where I felt like I couldn't do this again. It was so incredibly hard to breath and I remember listening to the nurse and Devon telling me to breath in slowly between my pushes.
Things began to blur as far as memory goes, I remember my midwife saying that the baby had hair! and then a chorus of laughter burst out and I remember them saying something along the lines of "You could put that in a pony tail!" I was elated to hear that my baby had hair! such a trivial matter, but it was just the distraction I needed at the moment. Second later I was pushing again, they encouraged me to reach down and feel the baby but I insisted that I did NOT want to do that. I wanted the baby out!
Jeri told me to listen carefully to her because she wanted to coach me as she delivered the baby's shoulders so I did not tear. I pushed and I remember feeling "The ring of fire" and I pushed harder and harder against that pain. Next, it literally felt like Jeri's hands were stretching me open and I heard her say "Push when I tell you to. Alright, Push... slowly... and Push again!" And next thing I know the room erupted into cheer and I opened my eyes, an immediate relief was felt as the pressure was now gone.
In Jeri's hands was my wet, blue, beautiful baby girl. I watched Jeri wipe the baby off and I saw Kennedy open her mouth and take a breath. Each second that passed she gained color. The nurse was unbuttoning my gown so they could put the baby on my chest. I just remember staring at her and thinking "so that's what my baby looks like..." (a question that tormented me for 9 months of pregnancy haha) and then "She looks like me!" I couldn't believe how much she resembled me, but also, how beautiful she was! This is going to sound terrible, but I expected my baby to be ugly.. hahaha!
I remember hearing Devon, he seemed even more elated than I would have imagined. Everything else was a blur, I heard people moving about the room. A tech taking pictures on Devon's phone. I couldn't take my eyes off my baby girl. I was incredibly overwhelmed and I just wanted to take in every second of my daughter's first moments of life in the open world.
Looking back at the photos, I look miserable. But I promise I was so happy. I was just captivated by this tiny human on my chest.
Jeri told me to give a few tiny pushes and I did about three and my placenta was delivered. (No I didn't look. Ew. lol) This was another aspect I remember being worried about, some people said delivering the placenta was worse than the baby. It was nothing, I felt like my body did most of the pushing and it was literally over in seconds. Jeri also checked me for tears, I had two tiny bilateral tears inside. She stitched me up and I remember feeling the pinching sting as my epidural was almost completely worn off. She told me that since the tears were internal I fortunately would not have a lot of pain. (She was right, I felt right as rain right after labor)
They cleaned me up and helped me start nursing. Kennedy took to my breast right away, and I remember being mesmerized that she knew what to do... I was so in love. She opened her eyes and starred up at me as she nursed. Next thing I knew, the room emptied and I was left with my sweet girl. Devon left to make the calls to let our family know our little girl had arrived.
Our family of two, was suddenly a family of three.
"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart" - 1 Samuel 1:27
On June 20th at 12:31 PM, my prayers were answered with a healthy, beautiful baby girl - born 8 pounds and 5 ounces, 20 and 3/4 inches long. Welcome to the world Kennedy Marie.
If you made it this far, you deserve a medal. :)
Re-reading this story fills me with such joy. Child birth is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm honestly so proud of myself for delivering this wonderful little girl. I'd do it 10 times over if I had to, knowing the sweet treasure we receive at the end...
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